Orphan Tale Collector Mugs

Oliver's reception by Fagin and the boys

Ghost puddle

"Define fair."

7 More Dwarfs

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

Who's Dead

Newborn making the V-sign

"Same hectic routine every damn year. Mind if I hang back with you?"

"I hate to spoil your porridge, but your son has a blonde in his room."

'-but the fire's on the GROUND floor!'

"I've seen a lot in my time, Ted, but it was always from the cheap seats."

"When my Tia Maggie got married, she wanted 8 kids...and her husband wanted 2 kids."

Master Humphrey's visionary friends

'I've been knocking for ages!'

"There, there, dear. It's perfectly normal for a new bride on her wedding night to shit like a goose on her husband."

I told you I lost it in the sun.

Updated Fables. The Ant And The Grasshopper … And The Mosquito. IRS.

A frog catches an insect truck.

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.

"Grandpa! You have to let me put those under my pillow!"

Brothers Grimm

'I've known you a long time and it's time I told you the truth, I'm not really a person, I'm just a suit full of chickens..'

Sea Angel

Floods leave man and ghost stranded.

Elf Farm

Prompts on the Antiques Roadshow.

Homeless man's sign: 'Will sell book & movie rights to the story of my downfall for a cool million.'

'Plus I found this great set of porridge bowls!'

"We met online."

Little Red Riding Hood Meets Goldilocks Meets Hansel and Gretel

"No, it's just that the royal inbreeding makes me look like a frog."

"Ow! Rotten stinking sky!!"

Excess Baggage: As soon as you pick a vacation destination, people who have never been there start to tell you horror stories about the place.