Order In The Court Gifts

'On the charge of resisting arrest, how does the defendant plead?'

'M'Lud, Glass Exhibit A is now Exhibit A, B, C and D...'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

Barristers

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"He doesn't suffer fools gladly."

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'Your mom is probably watching. Go for the jugular.'

Justice 4 Ron

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

'I believe my trainee is putting together the trial bundle for you now.'

'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'

Counsel examining witness

"That's right, think of yourself all the time! I'm the one who will be losing a client for the next twenty years."

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

'Place your hand on the e-bible and text me a repeat text of my text...'

I know "Ignorance of the law is no excuse" applies to defendants your honor, but

Barrister pointing out dozing judge to the jury

'Now, then -- would you prefer a speedy trial or an accurate trial.'

"ll I was doing was following my dream...turns out that contravened the restraining order."

'Being granted immunity doesn't include not having to pay my bill.'

'Where was I on the night of the 7th of August? I was home washing my hair.'

"The genius of the justice system for us is that everyone has the right to a lawyer."

Barristers wearing clothes pegs to overcome a bad smell

'... And then Goldsmith here, said to him: 'Never mind, if you're innocent you have nothing to worry about'.'