Order In The Court Pillows

'On the charge of resisting arrest, how does the defendant plead?'

'M'Lud, Glass Exhibit A is now Exhibit A, B, C and D...'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

Barristers

"He doesn't suffer fools gladly."

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

'During the break, my client stole my wallet.'

'Your mom is probably watching. Go for the jugular.'

Justice 4 Ron

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'

"That's right, think of yourself all the time! I'm the one who will be losing a client for the next twenty years."

'I believe my trainee is putting together the trial bundle for you now.'

Counsel examining witness

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

'Are you sure you saw my client do it? Let me remind you, it takes one to know one.'

"... with a side of brown rice, right. And can the delivery guy stop at the pharmacy and pick up my prescription?"

"We can't put you in a Witness-Protection Program unless you actually witnessed something."

Barrister pointing out dozing judge to the jury

'Now, then -- would you prefer a speedy trial or an accurate trial.'

'Where was I on the night of the 7th of August? I was home washing my hair.'

'Being granted immunity doesn't include not having to pay my bill.'

"ll I was doing was following my dream...turns out that contravened the restraining order."

'Luckily you caught it in time while you're still alive to sue.'

'And here is my other DNA test.'

"The genius of the justice system for us is that everyone has the right to a lawyer."

Barristers wearing clothes pegs to overcome a bad smell

Good news, I reduced your sentence from 250 years to 150 years!