Court Procedures Pillows

"Yes, the search was totally by-the-book. I recall covering my eyes and counting to 100 before I began looking."

"I object, Your Honor! The witness is being coached."

Trial by Media

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

"Am I going to get my just desserts?"

Justice 4 Ron

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"And I put it to you Mr. MacDonald, that on the morning of December 3rd, you had cold hands whilst attaching a milking machine to my client's udder!"

'Your mom is probably watching. Go for the jugular.'

Sue The Bastards

"'Season's Greetings' looks O.K. to me. Let's run it by the legal department."

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"Turn off cell phones violators will be over ruled."

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

Jurors saying 'I'm on the jury' on their mobiles.

'If you can't afford a media adviser the court will appoint you one.'

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

"Manafort's was the best flip yet."

'We find the defendant guilty. I mean, why else would he go out and hire the best lawyer in town?'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'