Judicial Processes Pillows

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

County Court. I don't care how many self-defense classes you've taken. Acting as your own lawyer is still a bad idea. (Published originally on July 18, 2011.)

'We had to bring a judge out of retirement, but we got you a speedy trial.'

Trial by Media

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

Truth

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

Prosecution bears the burden of proof. Defense bears the burden of twisting and distorting said proof.

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"And I put it to you Mr. MacDonald, that on the morning of December 3rd, you had cold hands whilst attaching a milking machine to my client's udder!"

Sue The Bastards

"'Season's Greetings' looks O.K. to me. Let's run it by the legal department."

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

Antonin Scalia

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

"Turn off cell phones violators will be over ruled."

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

"Manafort's was the best flip yet."

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

'I don't suppose there's any way I could serve my sentence on line?'

"Apparently, you have very little respect for our judicial system, sauntering in here with only one lawyer."

"Miss Antonacci, please have a regular coffee and a cheese Danish remanded to my chambers."

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

Counsel's Opinion.

'Overruled, you may continue.'

"Let's try the swearing-in process again, and this time, without the high-fives at the end."