Courtroom Procedures Gifts

'Now, then -- would you prefer a speedy trial or an accurate trial.'

'I believe my trainee is putting together the trial bundle for you now.'

'And here is my other DNA test.'

Trial by Media

'This is my partner. He'll be taking care of the small print.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"You moved two spaced and then one space to the side? Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, that sure sounds illegal."

"Bailiff."

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'When you get up on the stand be sure to keep your answers short. A whole lot of barking will only frighten the jury.'

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"I'm sorry, sir, but I've got to ask you another question. I heard someone in the courtroom shout out the correct answer."

"Objection! Pummelling the witness."

Sue The Bastards

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"And I put it to you Mr. MacDonald, that on the morning of December 3rd, you had cold hands whilst attaching a milking machine to my client's udder!"

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

"Better that a hundred guilty men go free than one innocent man be convicted, right?"

"'Season's Greetings' looks O.K. to me. Let's run it by the legal department."

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

'Let's try it again. And this time, don't cross your fingers.'

'No, you weren't there. But in your expert opinion as a certified brainiac, do you think he did it?'

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

Arrogant junior barrister

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'