Courtroom Tactics Gifts

"And if, in court, you need to varnish the truth, don't make it high gloss."

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

"If we learned anything in law school, we learned that you can never have enough wiggle room."

"Turn off cell phones violators will be over ruled."

I Litigate Therefore I Am.

'It wasn't a hate crime, Your Honor — I actually kind of liked the guy.'

'Hmmm...It is: innocent until proven guilty? Or is it: guilty until proven innocent?'

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

'I believe my trainee is putting together the trial bundle for you now.'

'Brain surgery, right?'

'You'll make lots of money and eat a little caca... that's what attorneys do.'

Time is running out for Julian Assange.

'I'm feeling a little remiss about missing both free throws.'

'... And then Goldsmith here, said to him: 'Never mind, if you're innocent you have nothing to worry about'.'

"Well, we saved this attorney. Some poacher shot him and removed his highly-prized fin."

'It wasn't me - but I'm sure whoever did it had a good reason. Looks, charm and 10 aliases only get you so far.'

'Might as well get comfortable. The appeal process can take forever.'

'My husband is a very large, loud and obnoxious man. OK, sure, I tried to hire a hit man. But just to hit him.'

"Case dismissed."

Truth, justice and a damn good lawyer.

"I don't like the looks of this! That's our jury consultant!"

'Your Honor, I'm here to make excuses for my client.'

"As soon as I get the paperwork together I'll file an appeal. Sometimes there are just not enough hours in the day."

'On the other hand, if we accept confessions extracted under torture then soon they won't need lawyers.'

Look at what your verdict is doing to my complexion!

'No kidding? You don't wear anything underneath either?'

"You've been chewed up and spitout by some very prestigious firms."

"A cashier told me to have a nice day and I didn't. Am I liable or can I sue her?"