Courtroom Tactics Pillows

"And if, in court, you need to varnish the truth, don't make it high gloss."

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

"If we learned anything in law school, we learned that you can never have enough wiggle room."

'It wasn't a hate crime, Your Honor — I actually kind of liked the guy.'

"Turn off cell phones violators will be over ruled."

I Litigate Therefore I Am.

'Hmmm...It is: innocent until proven guilty? Or is it: guilty until proven innocent?'

'I believe my trainee is putting together the trial bundle for you now.'

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

Time is running out for Julian Assange.

I know "Ignorance of the law is no excuse" applies to defendants your honor, but

'Brain surgery, right?'

'You'll make lots of money and eat a little caca... that's what attorneys do.'

"Well, we saved this attorney. Some poacher shot him and removed his highly-prized fin."

'I'm feeling a little remiss about missing both free throws.'

'... And then Goldsmith here, said to him: 'Never mind, if you're innocent you have nothing to worry about'.'

'It wasn't me - but I'm sure whoever did it had a good reason. Looks, charm and 10 aliases only get you so far.'

I think I'd like to make a motion at this time, your honor, but I cut a lot of classes in law school, and I'm not sure if I should make a motion to strike, or compel, or set aside a judgment, or

'Might as well get comfortable. The appeal process can take forever.'

'My husband is a very large, loud and obnoxious man. OK, sure, I tried to hire a hit man. But just to hit him.'

"Case dismissed."

Truth, justice and a damn good lawyer.

'Your Honor, I'm here to make excuses for my client.'

"I don't like the looks of this! That's our jury consultant!"

"As soon as I get the paperwork together I'll file an appeal. Sometimes there are just not enough hours in the day."

Look at what your verdict is doing to my complexion!

'On the other hand, if we accept confessions extracted under torture then soon they won't need lawyers.'

'You're charged with being an accessory before, during and after the fact ... '

"You've been chewed up and spitout by some very prestigious firms."

'No kidding? You don't wear anything underneath either?'