Courtroom Etiquette Pillows

"You! The Limey! Lose the hat and quit calling me your worship!"

"Turn off cell phones violators will be over ruled."

I love Lawyers

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"I object!" "Overruled!"

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"I've asked you not to overrule me in front of the children."

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

'You use the former when wooing your beloved and the latter during negotiations with your divorce lawyers.'

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

'Every day, I'm suing better and better...'

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

"Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't plea insanity."

Criminal Stupidness

Judge getting hair done.

AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION ACLU, HELP TAKE A BITE OUT OF LAW, 'I like it!'

'Great. Another trainee lawyer.'

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

"Not guilty, Your Honor, on the basis of a previously undiagnosed and untreated case of Integrity Deficit Disorder!"

'We find the defendant to be dead meat.'

Judge

"This is a complex matter, we can't keep repeating 'Possession is nine tenths of the law' at the judge."

Truth, Justice, Equality and Public Relations

'Being granted immunity doesn't include not having to pay my bill.'

"How was I supposed to know she was allergic?"

'Your Honor, my client is incontinent to stand trail...'