Courtroom Etiquette Pillows

"You! The Limey! Lose the hat and quit calling me your worship!"

"Turn off cell phones violators will be over ruled."

I love Lawyers

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"I object!" "Overruled!"

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"I've learned something in this trial. My firm needs to hire that prosecutor."

"The prosecution shall stop referring to the defendant as 'the alleged, totally guilty as sin guy'."

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

'The Grand Jury doesn't understand me...'

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

"I've asked you not to overrule me in front of the children."

"In a just world we'd have 'No Lawyer Left Behind'."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'Don't blame the lawyer!'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

'Every day, I'm suing better and better...'

'You use the former when wooing your beloved and the latter during negotiations with your divorce lawyers.'

'At first it was a few dollars here and a few dollars there. Then I realized I'd have to pay my lawyer.'

RBG, RGB, CMYK

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

"Mr. Evans, it's a speeding ticket. You can't plea insanity."

Criminal Stupidness

"Not guilty, Your Honor, on the basis of a previously undiagnosed and untreated case of Integrity Deficit Disorder!"

'Sorry, but I do not recall that incident either.'

Judge getting hair done.

There's no such thing as "The Fruit Basket Defense." By any chance, are you referring to "The Fruit of the Poisonous Tree"? That's evidence that was obtained by an illegal action and must be considered inadmissible. Yeah! What you said!!!

'We find the defendant to be dead meat.'

'Great. Another trainee lawyer.'

Judge

I know "Ignorance of the law is no excuse" applies to defendants your honor, but

AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION ACLU, HELP TAKE A BITE OUT OF LAW, 'I like it!'

"This is a complex matter, we can't keep repeating 'Possession is nine tenths of the law' at the judge."

Truth, Justice, Equality and Public Relations

'Being granted immunity doesn't include not having to pay my bill.'