Legal Proceedings Gifts

'In the future, let's go with 'the court is now in session' rather than 'let's get ready to rumble'.'

'Well, I've never called an expert witness on expert witnesses before...'

'I realize that hearsay evidence isn't admissible by the court, Your Honor, but you're going to love this!'

"And today if the prosecutor says 'Liar, liar, pants on fire,' do not turn around to check."

'I don't care what the judge says, I'm not disregarding that last statement'

'Not to worry, I've handled hundreds of cases like this and the way I see it, I'm bound to win one sooner or later.'

'These next few questions may make you a little uncomfortable. I hope they do. You look way too comfortable.'

'Business is slow. Go and throw a few banana skins on the pavement.'

'Evidence, shmevidence - Next!'

''Lying' is such a harsh word, your honor. We prefer to call it 'testimony without borders.''

Divorce Court

'I hate juvenile court!'

'I need a continuance, your Honor.'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

"We're introducing a new policy. We call it, 'No Win, No Job'

Low Class Action Suit

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

'We've agreed to divide your community property 50-50...50% for your wife and 50% for her attorney.'

Trial by Media

'There's no jury...I take it you're new to unfair dismissal claims.'

'...and that M'tud, concludes the case for the prosecution.'

'In this corner for tonight's 'Out-Of-Court Settlement' bout ...!'

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

"Well, if everybody does it, it must be o.k."

'I blew the whistle on my second employer as soon as I got my second wind.'

'Overruled, you may continue.'

'The whole hand Mr. Tamano.'

'Lying in court is a very serious matter, Mr. Fusco.'

'No, go ahead. I enjoy good gossipy hearsay.'

"For the last time! No more DNA evidence!!"

'Who ever says crime doesn't pay isn't a lawyer!'

"A lawyer unpaid is justice denied."

"If you settle I want have the pleasure of squashing them in a court of law, but I can live with that."

"This could be a problem."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."