Legal Proceedings Gifts

'In the future, let's go with 'the court is now in session' rather than 'let's get ready to rumble'.'

'Well, I've never called an expert witness on expert witnesses before...'

'I realize that hearsay evidence isn't admissible by the court, Your Honor, but you're going to love this!'

"And today if the prosecutor says 'Liar, liar, pants on fire,' do not turn around to check."

'I don't care what the judge says, I'm not disregarding that last statement'

'These next few questions may make you a little uncomfortable. I hope they do. You look way too comfortable.'

'Not to worry, I've handled hundreds of cases like this and the way I see it, I'm bound to win one sooner or later.'

'Business is slow. Go and throw a few banana skins on the pavement.'

'Evidence, shmevidence - Next!'

Divorce Court

''Lying' is such a harsh word, your honor. We prefer to call it 'testimony without borders.''

"We're introducing a new policy. We call it, 'No Win, No Job'

'I hate juvenile court!'

'I need a continuance, your Honor.'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

Low Class Action Suit

"Excellent! It's the disclosure documents for your hearing on Monday."

'There's no jury...I take it you're new to unfair dismissal claims.'

Trial by Media

'We've agreed to divide your community property 50-50...50% for your wife and 50% for her attorney.'

'...and that M'tud, concludes the case for the prosecution.'

'In this corner for tonight's 'Out-Of-Court Settlement' bout ...!'

'I blew the whistle on my second employer as soon as I got my second wind.'

"For the last time! No more DNA evidence!!"

'Lying in court is a very serious matter, Mr. Fusco.'

'The whole hand Mr. Tamano.'

'Who ever says crime doesn't pay isn't a lawyer!'

'No, go ahead. I enjoy good gossipy hearsay.'

"Well, if everybody does it, it must be o.k."

"In my legal opinion, Mr. Humpty, you should avoid treating your cracks till after we sue the owner of the wall."

'Overruled, you may continue.'

"All I can figure is that he must have been inspecting the water quality of our lakes and rivers when he became entangled in cement."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

"Don't worry about a thing, I'm the best lawyer in town."