Legal Processes Gifts

"Well, sure, it LOOKS like a straightforward plea to buy our product...but for safety we better run it by the legal department

"Sign here, here and here and then initial next to each signature, then sign again to verify those are your initials, then..."

'Might as well get comfortable. The appeal process can take forever.'

The benefits agency is always willing to be flexible,but only under certain limited, clearly defined circumstances.

"When should we specify the people we're suing for unspecified damages?"

'Here is the lead-based paint information, Fair Housing criteria, laws regarding tobacco use outdoors slip-and-fall warning, and barring any further public hysteria, the lease itself.'

DMV - Enter Here

Alfred Marquez, Probate Attorney - Heir club for men.

'Good news, I've got your sentence changed to two years.' - 'But it was only six months.'

'There's really no need for confusion. Part 95 of section 33 of Article L in your prenuptial agreement clearly states ... '

'He's a lawyer with a stay order pending his appeal.'

'Don't worry, you're a politician. You'll have no trouble pleading insanity.'

"Did you once admire your Aunt's kitchen towels?"

"I'm Steve, and I'll be your process server tonight."

"I'm sorry Mr. Sloan, but you cannot recoup your loses by claiming plaintiff status in the class action against you."

Changing one's name is only allowed for valid reasons.

"It was a misunderstanding. I thought I was buying all rights to her hand in matrimony, she thinks it was just first rights."

Party of the 3rd Part

"Does this mean that you're ready to cop a plea?"

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

'My client wishes to seek compensation for the emotional distress of being given a game in which he found it impossible to progress beyond level 4.'

"I lined it up with our prenup."

'I forgot to mention the employee's father is a high court judge.'

'You won't take my case? Then I'm going to sue you!'

That is quick!

'Don't leave the city without permission? -- the judge across the hall just gave me 48 hours to get out of town!'

"According to Legal, these proceedings now have to be notarized."

'We find the defendant guilty. Do you have a problem with that?'

'So I'll see you in court tomorrow afternoon...and bring your toothbrush.'

Trial by Media

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

"For the sake of not being redundant, your honor, I feel that one 'bad dog' is sufficient."

"Judgement Day: Division Four"