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Policemen Bill and Alf in police car.

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"Well, that's created a little order in a world of chaos."

"Call me?"

Child's Drawing (With Elephantiasis)

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"It said this 'Spilt Coffee' series afforded her a lifetime of lattes."

'Wow, talk about genius!'

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

"Most women find me too cutthroat."

"I'll be honest with you, I've been around the block a few times."

"Abbreviations here, abbreviations there, and one is more incomprehensible than the next!"

"Outré or simply bad?"

Today, proud and accomplished the career woman re-enters the dating world, ready at last to meet the man of her dreams. . .

"Sorry I'm late: my parents insisted I wear protection on our first date, so I stopped to buy a flea-collar..."

'This is the painting he was about to start when he shot himself.'

"Hired! You're just what we need in our budget office!"

Banana Smoothie

"Since my divorce I thought I'd never laugh again. Then I noticed your toupee."

"A conundrum, rather than an outright mess, I think, Mrs Ellis..."

'You're no Pollock.'

Woman puts a targeting sight on her vacuum cleaner.

Jackson Pollock makes a mistake: 'Guess I'll have to start over.'

"Sinead?!"

"It's a cautionary tale about why we shouldn't cut arts funding in schools."

"Is this 'pollocks'."

'My other baby is Mercedes'

"I'm gonna talk to her. How's my breath?"

"Is that all you can say - 'It's not messy'?"

'I met the greatest guy! He's sweet, he's handsome, and his insurance policy is Equity Indexed Whole Life!'

"And if you look to the right you'll see what happens if you disrupt my class."

"The difference between a great guy and a total loser? I'd say it's about this much Merlot."

Millais - Cubist Period

"I suffer for my art..."

Jimmy Mussolini With "Leon""Precious I cannot be. One more allusion to Gilgamesh and I'll trash out. I make mistakes, just like you, every day. This may be one of them. I'll take the money and walk."