Optimistic Mom-to-be Gifts

'A work in Progress.'

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

Pool attached to child's bed.

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"Be sure and eat your frozen vegetables."

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

Mary, remember that you're pregnant and are now eating for 2,000.

"You go out first. Signal me if it's safe!!"

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

An expecting Flower wearing a 'Baby here, arrow t-shirt' saying BUD

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

'I'm afraid this doubles your bill.'

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

'Listen! It kicked again right here. I swear it's not appendicitis!'

'Yes, the baby should arrive soon: Her nesting instinct is in overdrive!'

Pregnant Woman - "I think it's coming gift-wrapped."

Instant Gratification Cafe.

'I trust this is a non-smoking uterus!'

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

Uterus: One size fits all.

Baby name suggestions.