Proud Mom-to-be Gifts

Mary, remember that you're pregnant and are now eating for 2,000.

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"Be sure and eat your frozen vegetables."

So … you do a lot of yoga?

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

"I won it for being the most noncompetitive in preschool."

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

The Yummiest Mummy in the Village

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

Instant Gratification Cafe.

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

"So! When's the big day?"

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

Breastfeeding: Good Design Council

"Mum, we had sex-education at school today: is that really what happened to Daddy?!"

'You were a ten month baby. The postman brought you.'

Maternity Hospital

Congratulations! When are you due?

You and your alternative pregnancy.

"Six down, three to go!!"

1,001 names to Embarrass Your Child for Life.

'A work in Progress.'

Eat your vegetables

'Come watch TV with me, Mom. This movie is for young and old.'

"Juding by your expression, your mom made kale for dinner."

"So how is being a new mum treating you?"

"My favorite painting? That's like asking who's my favorite child. It's Michael."

I wish my baby came with suction cups so there was a place to put him while I shower.

'My labor was a breeze! Nine minutes and out he came!'

'Apparently this is called 'Nesting'.'

"It's a birthing position, Dan. Quit yelling 'Hike.'"