Mother-to-be Moments Gifts

'Apparently this is called 'Nesting'.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

Same Day Delivery: "I wish!"

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"Be sure and eat your frozen vegetables."

So … you do a lot of yoga?

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

Mary, remember that you're pregnant and are now eating for 2,000.

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

Instant Gratification Cafe.

"Underwater Childbirth Ward."

"So! When's the big day?"

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

"The test results show that your baby is healthy, and that she already wants the new iPhone."

Congratulations! When are you due?

'You want Chinese food? Are you going to have a baby or something?'

"Your mother says 'wear a bra'."

'Here's one I made earlier!'

"Beats me how pregnancy has survived into the modern era. There's no reception desk, product guarantee nor customer service department!"

"Mum, we had sex-education at school today: is that really what happened to Daddy?!"

'You were a ten month baby. The postman brought you.'

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

Please take a number.

'The worst part is not to give birth, but to remember all their names!'

You and your alternative pregnancy.

"Oh, there will be an investigation!"