Mother-to-be Gifts

"So! When's the big day?"

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

So … you do a lot of yoga?

I wish my baby came with suction cups so there was a place to put him while I shower.

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"Six down, three to go!!"

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

Pool attached to child's bed.

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

A newborn parachutes to safety after the stork carrying him gets hit by a plane.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"The amnio's fine, the sex is male, and the name is Wade."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

"Aah! Bless! Look at him on his I-pad!"

Child using building blocks to get over a baby gate.

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"Be sure and eat your frozen vegetables."

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

"No, Justin, I said, will you come to antenatal class with me."

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

Mary, remember that you're pregnant and are now eating for 2,000.

"You go out first. Signal me if it's safe!!"

In the DNA Kitchen

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

Wedding bouquet spring loaded shoes.

An expecting Flower wearing a 'Baby here, arrow t-shirt' saying BUD

"They look so young and helpless."

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

"Never Again." (bird sitting on a giant egg).