Optical Health Gifts

'Will these glasses help him see things my way?'

"You have a left distal prismatic distortion with a cylindrical f1 of -0.25,double astigmatism and a right eye spherical axis bias - in short Mr Wormold,you're as blind as a bat."

I wasn't counting on you having been to the opticians!

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

2021

"Good For You / Bad For You"

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Self help acupuncture

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

What the Doctor Ordered

Lactose Intolerant

'Well, well, well...'

"I think I may have stumbled on something, Walpole."

"Your contents have shifted."

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"This prognosis is positive, you've got a cold nose."

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

We did a biopsy on the mole we removed, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate.

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"If we carry them home we’ll get at least one workout."