Eye Health Guru Gifts

"I didn't realise this is what was meant by 'eye examination'"

"My dad says we eat honey 'cause it has lots of vitamin Bee."

Self help acupuncture

You only have time for one: Choose your fighter - Exercise, Wash Your Hair, Eat, Breathe

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"I'd like to start the 'Wellness at Work' training by offering you some guidance on diet and exercise."

'Oh dear. He's got my eyes.'

'You may not feel any healthier right away, but you'll definitely feel more smug.'

Love is Blind.

'They took my Science Fair Award away. They said I ate too much fish, which is brainfood. So, it was like I was on mental steroids.'

National Academy of Sport

Keep Fit.

"I've had these glasses since I was a kid, when my doctor told me I'd grow into them..."

"I'm afraid you have a condition called 'googly-eyes'."

Tired executive going into gym coming out gleaming

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

Congratulations on the new you!

"Eat your vegetarian or you'll go extinct!"

'I gotta lose some weight.'

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

'Let's try it once without the parachute.'

'Apply that ointment as directed and call me if the growth does not reduce or it starts to talk.'

'Follow this diet, and soon the temple of your soul will just be a small chapel.'

'I'm sorry, Madam Zola. I'm afraid you no longer have second sight.'

"Your bedside health care book ... thanks for not reading it."

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'