Eye Health Guru Pillows

"I didn't realise this is what was meant by 'eye examination'"

Self help acupuncture

"All I do is swim and eat plankton, but do I lose weight?"

You only have time for one: Choose your fighter - Exercise, Wash Your Hair, Eat, Breathe

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

'Twenty years ago I began jogging five miles a day - could you tell me where I am?'

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"I'd like to start the 'Wellness at Work' training by offering you some guidance on diet and exercise."

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

'Oh dear. He's got my eyes.'

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

'You may not feel any healthier right away, but you'll definitely feel more smug.'

National Academy of Sport

"Eat your vegetarian or you'll go extinct!"

"I'm afraid you have a condition called 'googly-eyes'."

"I've had these glasses since I was a kid, when my doctor told me I'd grow into them..."

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

Tired executive going into gym coming out gleaming

Keep Fit.

Congratulations on the new you!

'I gotta lose some weight.'

"You're sick of this? Just try to imagine how we feel."

'Let's try it once without the parachute.'

'Apply that ointment as directed and call me if the growth does not reduce or it starts to talk.'

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

"Your bedside health care book ... thanks for not reading it."

"All other letters have been disallowed."

'Follow this diet, and soon the temple of your soul will just be a small chapel.'

"Do you feel your eyes have changed any since your last visit?" "No. They seem to be ho, ho, ho, holding their own."