Vision Health Gifts

"You have superior extra ocular muscle strength - how often do you roll your eyes at your husband?"

'I think I need glasses, I've just given my own car a ticket.'

"Well, looks like it's time for eyeglasses."

"I think an IQ test would be more appropriate at this time."

'Guess who I bumped into today? EVERYBODY!'

Eye care centre: check out our baby boomer bifocal special.

Lazy eye at home

'New glasses?'

"I'm here because my vision is getting so bad I can't even see clearly in my dreams at night!"

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

2021

"Good For You / Bad For You"

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

Self help acupuncture

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

What the Doctor Ordered

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

'Well, well, well...'

Lactose Intolerant

"It's not the social stigma. It's the mercury."

"Your contents have shifted."

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"This prognosis is positive, you've got a cold nose."

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'