Opinionated Store Clerks Gifts

Mozart's improvisational skills, along with his lack of financial security, often led to brilliant inspiration.

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'Sorry sir,but we can't just take your word that the boots leak'

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

"Where can I find the lefts?"

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

"Would you like to try them out?"

'No, I'm afraid we don't have calendars in dog-years.'

'We couldn't give away black-and-white TVs until we started advertising them as having 'non multi-color capability'.'

"Your receipt is also available in a choice of colors."

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

How much would you take off for cash?

'I want to return this wallet. I can't seem to keep any money in it.'

"Do you carry any shampoos that have been tested on little kittens?"

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

Clown applying mustard to balloon hotdog.

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

"What's wrong with you? This isn't what I want! Do you know what you're doing? Can you get me a smarter clerk?"

'Bananas! Once you've skinned them and removed the bone, there's nothing left.'

Do It Yourself Stores: Help Wanted

'I think I see your problem. You didn't use the swear words listed in the assembly instructions.'

GM Foods.

'Bag? Any vouchers? Like a packer? If you have two of those... What type of apples are these?'

'It's not quite ready now, but come 2285, you'll be glad you waited.'

"Hey, bro...it's the least I could do."

Filing - Defiling - 'Heh, heh, heh' - Paper Cut - 'Oh, not so funny now...'

"Where can I find your organic, locally raised children?"

'If the 750ml and th 375ml of the '82 Beaumont are too pricey, how about their Merlot-scented auto air freshener? -- Only 99 cents.'

"Being God just doesn't pay as much as you'd think it would."

"We heard you were swamped with people wanting to buy that livestock de-wormer to treat covid symptoms. . ."

'All your wines are so old. Don't you have any that are fresh?'

'Got any cud flavour?'

"Forty years in this business and you suddenly decide you don't like gimmicky?"