Store Clerks Gifts

'Excuse me, sir? Would you mind buying three of these for me? I'm over the limit.'

"Building fund not going well, Reverend?"

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'Sorry sir,but we can't just take your word that the boots leak'

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

"It's felt to be his most thought provoking work."

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

"Where can I find the lefts?"

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'

"Would you like to try them out?"

'No, I'm afraid we don't have calendars in dog-years.'

'Take it easy, the textbooks will be here. It's only August 30.'

"Do you have anything by The Damned."

A man sitting in the grass reading

'We couldn't give away black-and-white TVs until we started advertising them as having 'non multi-color capability'.'

'VEGETARIAN ZOMBIES' BW

University Book Store.

"Do you have anything else by the same author?"

Self-Improvement, Self-Empowerment, Self-Aggrandizement

"Your receipt is also available in a choice of colors."

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

'I want to return this wallet. I can't seem to keep any money in it.'

"Sorry, Martin, but because you're the weakest link in our food chain here, you're fired."

"Because it's got a goddam crack in it, that's why."

How much would you take off for cash?

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

"Do you carry any shampoos that have been tested on little kittens?"

Clown applying mustard to balloon hotdog.

Which is the genetically modified corn?"

Mozart's improvisational skills, along with his lack of financial security, often led to brilliant inspiration.

'Are these mushrooms edible?'

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

"Would you really want to read a book by a comedian that didn't have wide margins?"