Operating Table Humorist Gifts

Surgery assisted by the patient.

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

'Pardon me, Doctor; but exactly where did you study anaesthesiology?'

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

Damn defibrillators.

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

A football game appears on the operating theatres monitor instead of the patients heartbeat.

'I'd like to order, please.' - 'Okay, what's your table number?' - 'I don't know.' - 'Find it, weak-minded fool!!' - 'What's our table number?' - 'There is no table number.' - 'There is no table number.' - 'You should have been assigned a table number whe

AS about Today's Specials' - 'Whatever didn't sell yesterday.'

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

"You're in luck. A slot for you just opened up in our kitchen."

'Say, please.'

"...and how about you, Wellington? Does this smell funny to you?"

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

Pianist being pelted with tomatoes.

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

'Every new neurosurgery intern has to make the joke about the patient having an 'open mind' but then they get over it.'

'Fish fresh?' 'I don't know I've only been here two weeks .'

'I'll be talking nonsense when you come to take our order. But, if you pretend I'm speaking French there'll be a big tip in it for you.'

"Stop serving Table 3 complimentary bread."

"Will someone be completing my surgery?"

'Waiter, there're four flies in my soup! How 'bout just moving the bug zapper?'

"The Catch of the Day is the chef's cold."

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

'How many times have I told you not to talk with your mouth full?'