Operating Table Humorist Pillows

Surgery assisted by the patient.

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

"Your soup is delicious. The broth perfectly compliments the font."

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

'Our interns work extremely long hours. The harness will help keep them awake during your operation.'

"The finger bowl is courtesy of the gentleman."

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

'Pardon me, Doctor; but exactly where did you study anaesthesiology?'

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

Damn defibrillators.

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

A football game appears on the operating theatres monitor instead of the patients heartbeat.

AS about Today's Specials' - 'Whatever didn't sell yesterday.'

"You're in luck. A slot for you just opened up in our kitchen."

'I'd like to order, please.' - 'Okay, what's your table number?' - 'I don't know.' - 'Find it, weak-minded fool!!' - 'What's our table number?' - 'There is no table number.' - 'There is no table number.' - 'You should have been assigned a table number whe

'Say, please.'

'I've a horrible feeling I've left one of the implements inside the patient, Chang.'

"And it'll stay clamped until you play my Usher CD."

"Waiter! - this soup tastes funny!"

"...and how about you, Wellington? Does this smell funny to you?"

'Too much information! I prefer not knowing my lobster's name was Sigmund.'

Pianist being pelted with tomatoes.

"In addition to the menu, we have a few specials on the board."

'Every new neurosurgery intern has to make the joke about the patient having an 'open mind' but then they get over it.'

'Notice how I stare at the forms like I'm actually reading them... and generally moving very slowly so I'm a little further behind schedule as the day progresses.'

'I'll be talking nonsense when you come to take our order. But, if you pretend I'm speaking French there'll be a big tip in it for you.'

'Fish fresh?' 'I don't know I've only been here two weeks .'

"Stop serving Table 3 complimentary bread."

"Will someone be completing my surgery?"

"The Catch of the Day is the chef's cold."

'Waiter, there're four flies in my soup! How 'bout just moving the bug zapper?'

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'