Opening An Art Gallery Gifts

"Now this I get."

The End is Near art gallery opening.

Painting of Hamburger. "This one's by Jack Owens, a starving artist from Ohio."

"At your opening, I see that you had two glasses of wine, eight pieces of cheddar, eight crackers, and seventeen grapes. That, of course, will have to come off the top of your end."

"One lyrical landscape—heavy on the Wyeth, light on the Expressionism."

"Apparently, if you understand it, you don’t understand it."

The Battle of the Pictures.

'Our first and only painting cost us $3.5 million!'

Misunderstood artist

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"I may not know much about art, but I do know what's suitable for framing."

Painting taking root...

"Me? How about you go closer and read the plaque!"

'Some days I just feel so stuck in a rut that I wish I'd never been invented!'

"Is it me, or is Jasper Johns a genius?" "Über-genius, Larry. Über!"

'No, Timmy, we are not supposed to connect them.'

'I can make out the nude, but I don't see the submarine.'

'I imagine you'll be asking for a full refund.'

"It said this 'Spilt Coffee' series afforded her a lifetime of lattes."

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

'I just love this work from his macaroni period,'

'These hors d'oeuvres are real slop, and I mean that in the best sense.'

'My interpretation is that it deals with the artist's utter frustration over the scarcity of remaining, reasonable equity values.'

'Wow, talk about genius!'

'What do you suppose he's trying to say?'

Rodin's Cattle-Grid

Art Gallery.

'Miss Donahue would give him an F.'

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.