Gallery Openings Gifts

"Artsy. But not fartsy."

'I only drink at Private Views...'

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

Painting taking root...

Misunderstood artist

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

'These hors d'oeuvres are real slop, and I mean that in the best sense.'

"Now this I get."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'Wow, talk about genius!'

Art Gallery.

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

M.C. Escher Exhibit Upstairs.

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

'It was restored just last year, and changed from an abstract painting to a landscape.'

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

"This piece resembles my subconscious desire to draw spirals on a big piece of paper."

"That must be the artist over there."

"I've just got this sudden craving for pizza."

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

"I read 'Art News.'"

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

'I agree, this artist will go far and he should start right now!'

Woodworms at a sculpture gallery.

Leaves falling out of a painting.

Private Viewing

Dogs looking at a fire hydrant in an art gallery.

"It's a great work!"

"You don't look a day over 30,000."

'You're no Pollock.'

"I like it, Julian — it speaks to what a waste of time and money your MFA was."