Gallery Openings T-Shirts

"Artsy. But not fartsy."

'I only drink at Private Views...'

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

Painting taking root...

Misunderstood artist

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

'These hors d'oeuvres are real slop, and I mean that in the best sense.'

"Now this I get."

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'Wow, talk about genius!'

Art Gallery.

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

'It was restored just last year, and changed from an abstract painting to a landscape.'

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

"That must be the artist over there."

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

"I read 'Art News.'"

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

'I agree, this artist will go far and he should start right now!'

"I've just got this sudden craving for pizza."

Woodworms at a sculpture gallery.

Leaves falling out of a painting.

"This piece resembles my subconscious desire to draw spirals on a big piece of paper."

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

Private Viewing

Dogs looking at a fire hydrant in an art gallery.

"It's a great work!"

'You're no Pollock.'

The less one gets it, the more it's art.

"You don't look a day over 30,000."

"I like it, Julian — it speaks to what a waste of time and money your MFA was."

Francoise Gilot