Opening A New Gallery T-Shirts

'You're no Pollock.'

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

Misunderstood artist

Painting taking root...

"Me? How about you go closer and read the plaque!"

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

'These hors d'oeuvres are real slop, and I mean that in the best sense.'

"Now this I get."

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

Art Gallery.

M.C. Escher Exhibit Upstairs.

I painted them all from memory.

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.

Private Viewing

"I read 'Art News.'"

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

Art of Surviving

"I've just got this sudden craving for pizza."

Leaves falling out of a painting.

'I agree, this artist will go far and he should start right now!'

"Outré or simply bad?"

Dogs looking at a fire hydrant in an art gallery.

"You don't look a day over 30,000."

Instant art

'This statue is based on an earlier work of mine from the pre-kindergarten era.'

"I can deal with the conceptual art and electronic music, but what are these hors d'oeuvres supposed to be."

"Hmmm...I wonder what the artist is trying to say...?"

Congratulations! - You have been nominated for the Turner Prize...

'I may not know much about art. But, I don't know what I like either.'

"It's a cautionary tale about why we shouldn't cut arts funding in schools."

"In this piece, the price clearly does not reflect what the artist is trying to say."

His new 'Absence of Anything' reminds me strangely of his earlier blank 'Nothing to Say' canvasses."

Boy copying abstract artwork in an art gallery.