Opening A New Art Exhibit T-Shirts

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"Well....I could've done this!"

Painting taking root...

Candle Portraits.

Picasso: The Early Years

'These hors d'oeuvres are real slop, and I mean that in the best sense.'

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

Creation of Red Wine

'Hold everything! -- The National Endowment for the Arts changed its mind!'

"So, Sandra, what can you tell us about your lovely mood board?"

'I think it's the best thing you've ever done!'

"Life is too short! Why should I waste my time frantically searching for a mate when I can create art instead..."

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

"I read 'Art News.'"

Private Viewing

'Is this any way to treat a budding genius?'

Leaves falling out of a painting.

"I've just got this sudden craving for pizza."

'I agree, this artist will go far and he should start right now!'

Dogs looking at a fire hydrant in an art gallery.

'It's like a piece of music, like Mozart or Beethoven.'

'You're no Pollock.'

"I can deal with the conceptual art and electronic music, but what are these hors d'oeuvres supposed to be."

Instant art

"You don't look a day over 30,000."

"Billy is turning out to be quite the little artist."

'Yes, I'm very excited. I really think that I will make my mark as a surrealist miniaturist.'

"An overload -- even this is beginning to look like Kitsch."

'I may not know much about art. But, I don't know what I like either.'

Michelangelo's David is cleaned every two months.

Rodins rotten juggler

'He hacked it off because the women in his weekly painting group never stopped gassing!'