Art Gallery Opening Gifts

'This one is called Fruit Concentrate.'

"This is Native Australian art."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"I don't know if he's a vandal or a performance artist."

"I can deal with the conceptual art and electronic music, but what are these hors d'oeuvres supposed to be."

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Misunderstood artist

"Me? How about you go closer and read the plaque!"

Painting taking root...

"I don't know anything about art, but this is a damned good Martini."

'These hors d'oeuvres are real slop, and I mean that in the best sense.'

"Now this I get."

Art Gallery.

I painted them all from memory.

"Tracy Island offers palatial splendour in the safest of environments. Your beds are unmade because this is Tracy Emin Island."

M.C. Escher Exhibit Upstairs.

'Hold everything! -- The National Endowment for the Arts changed its mind!'

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.

Art of Surviving

'I agree, this artist will go far and he should start right now!'

Private Viewing

Leaves falling out of a painting.

"Outré or simply bad?"

"I read 'Art News.'"

"I've just got this sudden craving for pizza."

"This one's called 'Incarceration.'"

'Is this any way to treat a budding genius?'

Dogs looking at a fire hydrant in an art gallery.

"An overload -- even this is beginning to look like Kitsch."

"You don't look a day over 30,000."

"Billy is turning out to be quite the little artist."

"Hmmm...I wonder what the artist is trying to say...?"

Congratulations! - You have been nominated for the Turner Prize...

Instant art