Open House Gifts

'Maybe it needs a little curb appeal.'

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

Painting taking root...

'These hors d'oeuvres are real slop, and I mean that in the best sense.'

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

'I agree, this artist will go far and he should start right now!'

'LOVELY school. But where's the library?' 'What's a library?'

'You're no Pollock.'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

Instant art

'Do you feel as foolish as I do, having a conference with Billy's teaching machine?'

'What makes you think the basement leaks?'

Rodins rotten juggler

McCartney art exhibition: 'The only reason they gave him the show is because he's got a famous daughter'

"It's like a tiny house, but bigger."

The Battle of the Pictures.

"You see a haunted house, I see a house with good bones."

'That reminds me, what wine are you serving this evening?'

"Admittedly, it is a bit of a 'fixer upper'."

Shop signs: then vs. now

"I see you've got a new cheese counter."

'Yes, there is a bidding war - but I'm almost certain you aren't allowed to take prisoners.'

'At first glance, my work may seem heavily ironic, but, culturally adjusted, it's really pretty sincere!'

"It has tremendous possibilities."

"Grandma is included in the purchase price."

A caveman art exhibition

'Oh, look, honey - the master closet has a walk-in bedroom!'

"Did I mention it needed a little work?"

'Lovely private view . . . must come again to see the pictures.'

"You're going to love the 360 degree views with this one."

'Our house is being staged. Dad says we've got a good shot at getting in - if we can pass the audition.'

"You said you wanted me to read more, so tonight we're watching one of those movies with subtitles."

'That's the sort of home I've always wanted.'

'You'll love this split level maisonette...' (man falls down split level).