Open House T-Shirts

'Maybe it needs a little curb appeal.'

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

Painting taking root...

'These hors d'oeuvres are real slop, and I mean that in the best sense.'

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

'I agree, this artist will go far and he should start right now!'

'LOVELY school. But where's the library?' 'What's a library?'

'You're no Pollock.'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

Instant art

'What makes you think the basement leaks?'

'Do you feel as foolish as I do, having a conference with Billy's teaching machine?'

Rodins rotten juggler

"It's like a tiny house, but bigger."

The Battle of the Pictures.

"You see a haunted house, I see a house with good bones."

"Admittedly, it is a bit of a 'fixer upper'."

"I see you've got a new cheese counter."

'That reminds me, what wine are you serving this evening?'

'Yes, there is a bidding war - but I'm almost certain you aren't allowed to take prisoners.'

'At first glance, my work may seem heavily ironic, but, culturally adjusted, it's really pretty sincere!'

"It has tremendous possibilities."

"Grandma is included in the purchase price."

A caveman art exhibition

'Oh, look, honey - the master closet has a walk-in bedroom!'

"You're going to love the 360 degree views with this one."

"Did I mention it needed a little work?"

'Lovely private view . . . must come again to see the pictures.'

'Our house is being staged. Dad says we've got a good shot at getting in - if we can pass the audition.'

"You said you wanted me to read more, so tonight we're watching one of those movies with subtitles."

'You'll love this split level maisonette...' (man falls down split level).

'That's the sort of home I've always wanted.'

"Oh, I love this! The huge walk-in closet comes with it's own master bedroom!"

"It's a modest studio flat with own garden, 30 minutes from central London."