University Open Day Gifts

Ethical studies: 'No thanks, I;m doing law.'

I'm getting ready to apply for college. Do you have a list of party schools?

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

'This part was tenure.'

The Janitor at the Harvard University Alumni Reunion is one of the Gang.

'LOVELY school. But where's the library?' 'What's a library?'

Baseball players and their qualifications.

"Our focus here is on the arts. Is he pottery trained?"

'Do you feel as foolish as I do, having a conference with Billy's teaching machine?'

'Don't mind him, he gets that way every Opening Day when I tell him he can't have a gun.'

'You talk about her so much. Why don't you invite that Alma Mater of yours to dinner sometime?'

'Gee, maybe there was something wrong with this college.'

The sixth college sense. 'I see debt people.'

"Please stand and join us in half-assing your way through our national anthem."

"Yeh, we met at University too, I was a Porter and Sharon was a cleaner."

Philosophy Department - Are You Really Here?

Campus Map: Philosophy Department

'You'll love this split level maisonette...' (man falls down split level).

'Can we have a starter for ten, please?'

School Open.

'Your son pays attention in class, but only to his iPod and cell phone.'

'Is this the open house?'

'The bad news is, during open enrollment we get to choose between our uncaring, inconvenient plan or another one that's just as bad or worse.'

Shooting a spitball at the Dean on graduation day.

As mayor, I'd like everyone to know my door is always open. My first order of business is to address the vandalism problem.

Freshers' week societies - 'Debt', 'Poverty' and 'No Money'.

'Maybe it needs a little curb appeal.'

I'm Googling a couple of old uni mates.

'Look Darling, it's Crazy Eddie from University. He hasn't changed a bit.'

'Opening day.'