Admissions Day Gifts

"Our focus here is on the arts. Is he pottery trained?"

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Yes Dad, I passed math and now I'm passing chemistry and physics."

"I had all the right answers, but I had them in the wrong order."

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

"At these tuition prices an acceptance letter is pretty much a denial."

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

Through These Hallowed Halls, walks Our Future - "Talk about putting pressure on a guy!"

'The bad news is you failed all your courses. The good news is you passed the urine test.'

"Hey, there's Sara, padding her college-entrance résumé!"

It's a letter from Tim. He claims his grades are improving and he might even make the DEEN's list.

"Where am I going to college? I thought this was college."

"Class, this is Mr. Elzondo. He's going to talk about going to college."

"No, I'm not the first in my family to attend college. But I am the first at an Ivy."

"You'll never make it as a doctor with handwriting like this. I understood every word."

'It's my application to Harvard...'

'LOVELY school. But where's the library?' 'What's a library?'

Treadway college - A little knowledge, a lot of tuition.

'I'm partially passing my Meteorology course.'

College game crowd: 'WE WON',,,'and that somehow makes you superior'

End of Affirmative Action

Scenes we'd most like to see...

"Well, my IQ is 180--and that's in Centigrade, not Fahrenheit."

'Cat Lit. You?'

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

"Dad, the dean has gone over your financial statement, and he doesn't think you're working up to your full potential."

'Good news Mom. I was accepted to the college of your choice.'