Online Searching Gifts

'Have you tried Googling that?'

Man using internet search engine: 'I'm trying to find myself,'

"How's the self-diagnosis coming?"

"...'How to alleviate lower back pain.'"

I Google, therefore I am.

Did you guys decide who's going to tell me about the birds and the bees? Yes, and it was unanimous: Google.

Darn. Ten whole pages of results, Sadie. What's yer pie hole yammering about now. Tap tap tap tap tap. I just googled what to do with my free time, and I got ten pages of results. What do you mean free time? Didn't I hear your boss tell you to go sweep up in the alley, you wretched slacker? He didn't say when. Google how should Sadie celebrate when doofus-boy gets fired?

You want my help searching the internet to see if we can find evidence you're got a long lost, twin sister? Okay, if you insist. I'll help you, despite your inability to graciously seek my assistance. If you insist. Ingrate. Get on with the help already, jerk!! Ha. You said the h-word.

Google. Yahoo. Google! Yahoo! Google, Google, Google! Yahoo!!!! Uncle. Actual muscles trump virtual allegiance.

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

"You can access me by saying simply 'Agnes.' It is not necessary to add 'dot com.' "

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Can I keep them? I found him on the internet?"

'Thanks to the internet it is now possible to be extremely well-informed and completely wrong at the same time!'

"Stinkin' fake news!"

"Since he got that thing, he mostly just kills time."

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

'You must have been wearing your beer googles.'

"That's odd. I visited an antibacterial soap website, and my computer got a virus."

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

"You've got computer-breath."

Dad Trophies

Man doing a search on a computer

'After researching our dream vacation online with reviews, commentaries, we cams and pictures, we felt we'd been there and didn't need the trip!'

"I've grown numb to exclamation points."

Sundar Pichai's first doodle.

Travelogue

'We no longer look at résumés. We go straight to your Facebook page.'

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

'Ask your computer.'

Online Shopping.

'I'm sorry, Jason. I don't date anyone new until I've googled them.'

"I'm being punished. I have to stay out of Wi-Fi range for an hour."