Online Marketer Gifts

"Good afternoon, Ted. I'm your online presence."

Cyb-R Safe: Offering the most convincing illusion of on-line security available today!

What the Person Sitting Next to You at Starbucks is 'Working On'

"It's a content farm!!!!"

What're you doing? Reviewing a new blender. The company that makes it paid me $50 to write reviews under 14 different pen names. ***** The only reason I gave this incredible BlendMaster X2500 five stars is because they don't allow you to give 20 stars! If this blender were a lady, it would be Princess Di. Buy it, yesterday! Signed, Izzy Notreal. Colorful. But you heart's not in it, Izzy. Why, why can't I ever cheat with conviction?

'What happened to that lemonade stand of yours?' 'I decided to sell it on Ebay...'

He's just discovereed that our £450,000 blog rebuttal campaign was directed against a 12 year old in swindon using his mum's computer.

'hold the blog - I got a bargain in the sales'

How to Make Money On-Lion

The Idiot's Guide to Being an Idiot.

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

Lynching on social media

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

Online form - Submit.

'3 Second Loading Zone.'

"You can access me by saying simply 'Agnes.' It is not necessary to add 'dot com.' "

"I got 30 likes but Mom's was not one of them."

CEO with SEO

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

Evolution.

Likes: $2.

"You know, there are other emojis."

'Homepage Sweet Homepage'

"It's OK to close tabs. Just click on it. Once you realize that you don't need that many open, it'll get easier. You can do this!"

Obsession with the Internet.

A secretary at a desk with a nameplate the says Dot Com.

I should probably get out more.

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

"Sorry, website closed for lunch."

"He sits there all day waiting to chase the email man."

"I'm trying to Google what I was thinking about twenty minutes ago!"

"The video of you eating my $700 John Varvatos got 300 'likes.'"

"It's not an actual hotdog, but digital ownership in a picture of an actual hotdog."

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media