One-eyed Humor Fan Gifts

Sports Optometrist and Cyclops.

Skipping Horse

"Actually, make that a double cream."

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

"I'm not here to slay you. I'm here to talk to you about diversifying your investment portfolio."

"This brew is quite hoppy - they must of added too much toad."

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

Molecules You Ought to be Aware of.

Odd Angles,a monthly strip on coarse angling.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

The Brothers Grime

10 K Tail-Chase

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Introducing...Anagraman.

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

Goat about goat: 'He's no longer gruff since he's been on Prozac.'

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

A Golden Non-Retriever

The Snooze Bar.

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

Next year, we are NOT going to Costco.

Dog in casino.

"Sorry, dear... I don't have a pumpkin spiced flat white chai latte. I just have this one..."

'It's the same everywhere: body over brains.'

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

'Check out the old dude.'

"Our business is based on breakthroughs."

"Got any bathtub gin?"

Beer Parasol.