Omelette Connoisseur Gifts

"Why am I irate? A: You turn my eggs into omelets each morning. B: Not once have you offered me even a nibble."

Tartine

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

Gracie goes to get cookies for Santa, but Papi has eaten them all.

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"I'm not eating cookies before dinner. I'm having cookies for dinner!"

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

Canape?

"Trail mix?"

"Bad things happen to people who don't buy my cookies, Sir."

Baking

"Sis, my teacher said to list the four food groups. . . but I can only think of three. Cookies, candy and ice cream!"

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

"I knew we'd eventually catch him. He can't run and run as fast as he once did."

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

With Compliments

'Prepare to meet your maker!'

Instant Gratification Cafe.

"Made with a little extra TLC – and THC for good measure."

"First Big Oil, the Big Steel, and now, Big Cookie."

Fig 1. Fig 2. Fig Newton.

'Mom, was it one or two cps of sugar?'

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

Future Wrestler

'My mom bakes from scratch -- she's a full-service mom.'

Pet owner pours out contents of treats for dog that are oddly shaped. Box titled: 'Funny Bones'.

"Serves you right...snacking before dinner."

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

Lottery - come back to eat here 20 times and you will win million dollar in lottery.

'After a Gadzillon glasses of milk and cookies who wouldn't have an upset stomach?'

"Look, you bake the cookies, I eat them the system works."

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

'...Unt yur sufferink from a condition vee call tee 'Edible Complex'.'