Oldies But Goodies Fan Gifts

'Show me the way to go home, I'm tired and I want to go to bed...'

"Well, that's the only song we know, so we can play it another two or three times, or we can cut our losses. Waddya say, Cleveland?"

Santa Claus's wife beats the soot out of his beard.

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

"Why didn't you simply open the window?"

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

The Gladiator.

Teddy Time Bears

"Trust me. This is going to make it easier to discuss your childhood."

The Litany Of Fun

Girl to girl: 'A friend is someone you don't have to call dibs with.'

"Yes, we still love print, don't we?"

Peter Lorre caricature

'I was a substitute teacher. Former students still approach me to thank me for everything I let them get away with.'

'I was 'Sweatin' To The Oldies', and I flipped over on my back!'

"And can one illuminate the manuscript?"

"Tia Carmen, I have a great knock-knock joke!"

'Used to be 'Rock around the Clock', now is it 'Limp Around the Block'?'

'It's like listening to the 1950s. You can hear the dentures whistling.'

'It was your imagination. There's no little kid under your bed!'

"If I had three wishes, my last wish would be to only have two wishes."

'Funny, it usually works OK after you've given it a hefty kick.'

Oldies Band.

"He refuses to watch the NEWs - living as he does, in the past."

'Beat it! I've got a computer!'

'Sure, it's fun to watch, but Sesame Street is just a trick to get you softened up for school!'

Frosty, The Abominable Snowman

TV Set

'A vest is summat yer mum makes you wear when she's cold!'

The Great Teddy Bear

'Why am I always the piggy who crys, 'we-we-we' all the way home?'