Old West Jokester Gifts

'When I said loosen your buckle and let 'em drop, I was talking about your gunbelt.'

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

(Maps to the Homes of the Steers) (Maps $ 100)

'Ok, so we agree that we're going to throw them into the cactus.'

'Oh yeah. He's the fastest in the west alright. The fastest out of town, at the first sight of trouble.'

Romulus and Remus ( and their brother Derek )

Squirrel chopping wooden leg of lumberjack.

Cleaning the Horse

Athen's Theater. "Oedipus Rex" didn't test well as a title, Sophocles. How would you feel about calling it "My Big Fat Greek Tragedy"?

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

"I don't care what the job pays. . . I'm never herding cats again!"

'Hey you two! Take that outside!'

'Buck, the town's bein' attacked by tin cans! Sheriff's looking' all over for ya.'

TV Guide: Cowboy Cowboys.

'Marriage is okay, I guess, but I sure will be glad when my wife learns not to starch my jeans.'

"Sorry, kid, the nutrition nannies threatened to shut me down if I didn't change from chocolate to tofu Easter eggs."

'It's easy to follow the No Deodorant Kid.'

When Bob stopped bragging about the economic benefits of his conestoga rickshaw.

'I'm sorry, Sheriff... it was self-defence!'

'What's this?' - 'Your sealed orders, not to be opened till 7 furlongs.'

'When I'm in the saddle I'm part of the horse.' - 'Yes, but which part?'

"I said reach for the sky stranger. It's a figure of speech. I didn't mean literally!"

"Which of you is 'Cactus Jack'?"

'So we can fing out what is wrong with you granddad, I've asked him to bring in a couple of stools!'

Still Alive

'Whoa, just who says 'They shoot horses?''

'Murder my spouse? Oh, that's nothing but an old wives' tale.'

'... But I thought you said to get a long, little doggie, boss.'

"I thought we said no presents!"

'I think I've found your expiration date.'

Don't feed the bears vegetables.

'I've been playing smoke-tag all day.'

'I used to be a horse whisperer - Then I discovered they're all deaf!'