Old West Humorist Gifts

"He says he's on the wagon train"

TV Guide: Cowboy Cowboys.

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

"Give him time, - if anyone can break that swing set, it's O'l Tex."

"Can't we ride off in another direction?"

(Maps to the Homes of the Steers) (Maps $ 100)

"Fire one shot if you find a waterhole or two for a coffeeshop."

'Ok, so we agree that we're going to throw them into the cactus.'

"Trepanning for gold"

'Oh yeah. He's the fastest in the west alright. The fastest out of town, at the first sight of trouble.'

Nun fight at the OK Corral.

'When I said loosen your buckle and let 'em drop, I was talking about your gunbelt.'

Cattlemans Saloon.

"They say it's the last of the really big cattle drives, and I'm just glad I'm here to see it."

'Yesterday he was a kingpin, but today he's just a lynchpin.'

Reality Wagon Train

"There's trouble, boys. Let's pants up and move out!"

"I don't care what the job pays. . . I'm never herding cats again!"

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

'Marriage is okay, I guess, but I sure will be glad when my wife learns not to starch my jeans.'

"Just a minute - I'm uploading."

'Buck, the town's bein' attacked by tin cans! Sheriff's looking' all over for ya.'

'I must warn you, I'm the fastest gun west of the Rie Grande.' 'WOW! Unfortunately, we're five miles east of the Rio Grande.'

'Hey you two! Take that outside!'

Wanted for Stick Up

'It's easy to follow the No Deodorant Kid.'

"Yes, I can help you with your loan questions. I'm the loan arranger."

'Uh, yeah, you go ahead. We'll catch up with the wagon train later.'

A cowboy on a computer receiving his 'gee gee mail'

Cat cowboy says: 'That ain't no tumbleweed, it's a hairball.'

When Bob stopped bragging about the economic benefits of his conestoga rickshaw.

"Where did this thing come from? It's a major trip hazard if you ask me!"

"I said reach for the sky stranger. It's a figure of speech. I didn't mean literally!"