Old West Jokester Pillows

'When I said loosen your buckle and let 'em drop, I was talking about your gunbelt.'

"Jack Daniels-in-a-box"

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

(Maps to the Homes of the Steers) (Maps $ 100)

'Ok, so we agree that we're going to throw them into the cactus.'

Romulus and Remus ( and their brother Derek )

'Oh yeah. He's the fastest in the west alright. The fastest out of town, at the first sight of trouble.'

Squirrel chopping wooden leg of lumberjack.

Cleaning the Horse

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

"I don't care what the job pays. . . I'm never herding cats again!"

TV Guide: Cowboy Cowboys.

'Marriage is okay, I guess, but I sure will be glad when my wife learns not to starch my jeans.'

"Sorry, kid, the nutrition nannies threatened to shut me down if I didn't change from chocolate to tofu Easter eggs."

'Hey you two! Take that outside!'

'Buck, the town's bein' attacked by tin cans! Sheriff's looking' all over for ya.'

'It's easy to follow the No Deodorant Kid.'

When Bob stopped bragging about the economic benefits of his conestoga rickshaw.

'I'm sorry, Sheriff... it was self-defence!'

'What's this?' - 'Your sealed orders, not to be opened till 7 furlongs.'

'When I'm in the saddle I'm part of the horse.' - 'Yes, but which part?'

"I said reach for the sky stranger. It's a figure of speech. I didn't mean literally!"

Still Alive

'Murder my spouse? Oh, that's nothing but an old wives' tale.'

'So we can fing out what is wrong with you granddad, I've asked him to bring in a couple of stools!'

"Which of you is 'Cactus Jack'?"

'Whoa, just who says 'They shoot horses?''

"I thought we said no presents!"

'I think I've found your expiration date.'

'... But I thought you said to get a long, little doggie, boss.'

Don't feed the bears vegetables.

'We may have done better if the jockey had carried the horse round!'

'Yesterday he invented the wheel, today it rolled over his foot.'

'I used to be a horse whisperer - Then I discovered they're all deaf!'