Jokester Of The Plains Pillows

"If you ask me, wearing these things only makes them nervous."

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

"Merry Christmas"

Mr Claus, tests indicate your blood is 95% milk and cookies.

"Your therapy will be a combination of drugs and clowns."

Father Christmas uses laptop on roof. Man says: 'I think someone is stealing our wi-fi.'

"I've had. . . um. . . just a small sherry. . ."

Student to math teacher: 'My dog ate my homework and got arithmetics.'

'Apparently our postcode qualifies us for Government sponsored loft insulation.'

"You never giggle and read cartoon captions to me anymore."

Clandestine cows.

Why are you insisting on spending Christmas in hospital, Gran? I prefer the Santa here, darling.

"You think it's tough down there?"

"This is our most practical model. It comes with a 21-year warranty."

'What, not even a kiss first?'

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

"Maybe this year..."

Squirrel chopping wooden leg of lumberjack.

When Farmer Harry Met Farmer Sally.

"Your toilet water over ice, sir. And how is the homework?"

Elf of the Month

'But sinister gales - with that armour?'

'When I said loosen your buckle and let 'em drop, I was talking about your gunbelt.'

Santa Claus stuck in a chimney sitting in a hospital emergency room.

"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Clerk: 'Boy that Delivery guy sure has a THICK accent!'

'I can't make it, I'm dead.'