Old Testament Skeptics Gifts

'That 'Jonah' story sounded FISHY to me!'

'Yes, all at once!'

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

'Wow! It didn't take long to lose that new ark smell.'

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

"Does the ark have wifi?"

''No other gods before me'? Oh - You're one of THOSE types.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

'What about three-day Sabbaths?'

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

"It's creepy thinking that Santa can sneak into my house undetected. I must find out how he does it!"

Crystal Ball Plug

"Daniel, I seem to have dropped my keys, could you look around and toss them up."

"Looks like we're in trouble now...he's got four bars on that thing."

"If he doesn't like the hand puppet routine, I'll try running the burning bush idea by him."

'I just glanced back at Sodom and Gomorrah for a second...'

Peter explains to the Disciples what really happened.

'Whoa! - The activist judges will go NUTS with these!'

"Are we there yet?

"It says God created heaven and earth, then there was light. Why didn't He do it the other way round, when He could see what He was doing?"

'You want us to cut WHAT off?'

'Do you realize it takes over 2000 laws to enforce the ten commandments?'

Noah was renound for his bad memory (Dinosaur Extinction)

"'A land of milk and honey'? - But I'm on a DIET!"

"It's very faint, but it seems to say, "help, my name is Jonah, help!": what did you swallow exactly?"

"Any church that requires a fire hydrant is admitting it's a fraud."

'You never let us do ANYTHING!'