Old Testament Skeptics Gifts

'That 'Jonah' story sounded FISHY to me!'

'Yes, all at once!'

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

Ezekiel and his Dog: "Have you been in the valley of dry bones again?"

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

The loving, yet vengeful God of Cheshire!

'Wow! It didn't take long to lose that new ark smell.'

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

''No other gods before me'? Oh - You're one of THOSE types.'

"Does the ark have wifi?"

'Okay, Noah...I'm going to tell you again. Listen very carefully this time.'

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

"Wait, mister Samson. The manager said he'll give you a full refund and a year's worth of free stylings."

"But, Jesus - you can't become an atheist."

"It's creepy thinking that Santa can sneak into my house undetected. I must find out how he does it!"

'What about three-day Sabbaths?'

"Daniel, I seem to have dropped my keys, could you look around and toss them up."

"His name is Jonah. Are you sure you haven't seen him?"

Crystal Ball Plug

"Looks like we're in trouble now...he's got four bars on that thing."

"If he doesn't like the hand puppet routine, I'll try running the burning bush idea by him."

'I just glanced back at Sodom and Gomorrah for a second...'

Peter explains to the Disciples what really happened.

"Are we there yet?

'With all those presents Santa carries, do you think he packs heat? . . . And maybe he's not really fat, but he's wearing a kevlar vest.'

"It says God created heaven and earth, then there was light. Why didn't He do it the other way round, when He could see what He was doing?"

'Whoa! - The activist judges will go NUTS with these!'

'You want us to cut WHAT off?'

'Do you realize it takes over 2000 laws to enforce the ten commandments?'

Noah was renound for his bad memory (Dinosaur Extinction)

"'A land of milk and honey'? - But I'm on a DIET!"

'You never let us do ANYTHING!'

"It's very faint, but it seems to say, "help, my name is Jonah, help!": what did you swallow exactly?"