Old Friends Club Gifts

"Can Eddie come out and throw his goddam back out?"

Albert & Myra - The End Story

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

The Cowboy Way; Doing the Right Thing

Heavy meals on wheels

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"Honestly, John, I'm not angry! I was going to suggest you give up driving even before you hit my car in the parking lot!"

'I'm fighting ageing.'

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

"Just when I thought I had all the answers, I forgot what the questions were."

"I cranked up the dose a tad. Why should kids have all the fun?"

"You're right, they are statins."

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

"We missed Fashion Week!"

"I'd like to get my withdrawal in either cryptocurrency or social-media exposure."

"I'm just gonna reach in my back pocket real slow-like and turn off my ringer."

Man looking at greeting cards labeled "Apologies for not writing sooner" with sub-headings for different lengths of time.

Pensioners run riot on mobility scooters.

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

"Believe me, I didn't amass a billion dollar fortune just to impress you. But... it does, right?"

Who's Dead

'Yes, old friend, we've traveled a long road, made a lot of stops, scooped up a lot of poop...'

'So much for the great UNKNOWN campground.'

'When the poor dear retired, he found that he missed his little cubicle.'

'We,ve still got it,Fred-it's a pity they don't want it anymore!'

Remember when?... When was that?

'Listen Mabel, you are 70, I am 75 and we have known each other since junior school. It's pure wishful thinking on your part if you claim I am 'grooming' you...'

"Same old crowd."

"Fusilli, you crazy bastard! How are you?"