Old Friends Humor Gifts

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

Heavy meals on wheels

"Honestly, John, I'm not angry! I was going to suggest you give up driving even before you hit my car in the parking lot!"

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

'I'm fighting ageing.'

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

You can't get what up

"Just when I thought I had all the answers, I forgot what the questions were."

"I cranked up the dose a tad. Why should kids have all the fun?"

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

"You're right, they are statins."

"I'd like to get my withdrawal in either cryptocurrency or social-media exposure."

Man looking at greeting cards labeled "Apologies for not writing sooner" with sub-headings for different lengths of time.

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

"Same old crowd."

'We,ve still got it,Fred-it's a pity they don't want it anymore!'

"Believe me, I didn't amass a billion dollar fortune just to impress you. But... it does, right?"

Who's Dead

'Yes, old friend, we've traveled a long road, made a lot of stops, scooped up a lot of poop...'

'Listen Mabel, you are 70, I am 75 and we have known each other since junior school. It's pure wishful thinking on your part if you claim I am 'grooming' you...'

Remember when?... When was that?

'When the poor dear retired, he found that he missed his little cubicle.'

"Fusilli, you crazy bastard! How are you?"

I've always said ignorance is bliss, but what do I know?

"I still jump out of bed every morning. I just don't stick the landing as often."

'Well, as I live and breathe. If it isn't Rex Harris! I thought you were extinct.'

"Yesterday I got in touch with a childhood friend!"

"Ha ha. You tell that one in every lifetime. Ha ha. It never gets old."

"You've still got it Joao."