Golden Oldies Club Gifts

"I gotta stop, Ralph. . . one of my balls fell off!"

"Well, that's the only song we know, so we can play it another two or three times, or we can cut our losses. Waddya say, Cleveland?"

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

"Everybody meets online these days."

The modern sheriff.

'I was 'Sweatin' To The Oldies', and I flipped over on my back!'

Old songs made new

Mick Jagger at 95.

Old man imagines his younger self dancing with a cane.

"I'm trying to determine if the aches and pains are from an injury or just my new normal."

Oldies Band.

"Let's shake them up and do our version of 'Blowin' in the Wind'."

"I can see by the sudden appearance of little dishes of hard candy in every room, Veronica, that we have finally entered our golden years."

"Some are born old."

Another Programme Reminding You How Much Better Music Used To Be.

"Sorry, I double-booked. This wouldn't happen if I had a computer - but they insist we do everything by hand."

Workers constructing barcodes

Church in the year 2035.

"It appears that your stallion has been out to stud too long."

Noah's AARP.

'...and then the photographer told me to hold the Sharps like this.'

'I throw a strike every time with this ball, but I can only lift it once a night.'

Excess Baggage: Before you laugh at those senior citizen travel groups, just try and keep up with them.

"Can Eddie come out and throw his goddam back out?"

'It's oldie rock 'n' roll but I like it.'

"Like Bob Dylan said, 'You don't know what you've got til it's gone."

'This is so old-school.'

A cowboy sheriff in the old west brings in a bounty to a bounty price scanner.

"Sometimes I feel like all we have left is our top-flight education, our generational wealth, and our secure place in the business-world boys'-club network."

You're listening to K-OLD the golden oldies station. Back in a few … Oldies? You listen to oldies? Of course. Sinatra! Neil Diamond! Metallica. Vanilla Ice. The world is dead to me. Neil who?

Technophobes Illustrated Dictionary - Digitally Mixed - Any drink stirred without the use of a spoon, swizzle stick or any other tool/utensil.

'Me and your Grandad have been married for sixty years. But he still whispers sweet nothings into my hearing aid.'

"I was into revolutions. That's one of my 45s and here's a 33 and a 1/3."

"It's a great country–just don't get sick."