Golden Oldies Gifts

'Me and your Grandad have been married for sixty years. But he still whispers sweet nothings into my hearing aid.'

Noah's AARP.

'Somewhere along the way, I went from lambada to lumbago.'

'I throw a strike every time with this ball, but I can only lift it once a night.'

"Well, that's the only song we know, so we can play it another two or three times, or we can cut our losses. Waddya say, Cleveland?"

'No need to yell son, I may be deaf, but I can still read.'

"Whatcha watching, Dad?"

Old songs made new

"I'm not worrying. I've got most of my money in handbaskets."

Noir kitty.

The Lone Ranger receives a disconcerting smoke signal from Tonto....

'Used to be 'Rock around the Clock', now is it 'Limp Around the Block'?'

Mick Jagger at 95.

Born to rock.

Old man imagines his younger self dancing with a cane.

Oldies Band.

'Psst! It's the invisible man. Try not to state at his new hair piece.'

"Let's shake them up and do our version of 'Blowin' in the Wind'."

"We've been married so long you not only finish my sentences you start 'em too."

Another Programme Reminding You How Much Better Music Used To Be.

Laurel & Hardy

"I can see by the sudden appearance of little dishes of hard candy in every room, Veronica, that we have finally entered our golden years."

Church in the year 2035.

'Dat was jus' a warnin', Detective Jones. Get off da Bozo case!'

'You deserve more than just some silly card this year...grab yourself a good one.'

Excess Baggage: Before you laugh at those senior citizen travel groups, just try and keep up with them.

"I gotta stop, Ralph. . . one of my balls fell off!"

"First, we tortured them with drunken reveries of our youth."

Film Noir

'It's oldie rock 'n' roll but I like it.'

"When I was your age, I had to walk two blocks to the video rental store."

You're listening to K-OLD the golden oldies station. Back in a few … Oldies? You listen to oldies? Of course. Sinatra! Neil Diamond! Metallica. Vanilla Ice. The world is dead to me. Neil who?

"Should we watch the movie whose title we can't remember or the one whose title we can't pronounce?"

"Frank likes the Happy News show on the Nostalgia Channel. It plays fake news reels of the Good Old Days."

"Like Bob Dylan said, 'You don't know what you've got til it's gone."