Old Friend Finder Gifts

"Have you been expelled again?"

Help! I'm ROFL and ICGU!

Albert & Myra - The End Story

"Why bother?"

'You know you're getting old when you take longer to recover than to get tired.'

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

Heavy meals on wheels

(Scheduled) Sex, (Prescription) Drugs & (Classic) Rock & Roll

"You really need to think about getting glasses."

Mr. Evers specifically asked for a plain coffee, not an espresso.

Which vaccines did they have when you were young? You cannot get under my skin, loser. Were you vaccinated against the black plague? Not bothering me. Were you vaccinated against leprosy? I am unaffected by you. Were you vaccinated against the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs? Munch mun - When's the last time someone shoved a syrupy pancake down your pants?

"You know you're getting old when..."

"Honestly, John, I'm not angry! I was going to suggest you give up driving even before you hit my car in the parking lot!"

I said, your bones ache because you’re old. I’m referring you to an archaeologist.

"The first day of school. Yes sir. A day to make new friends. A day to mark new beginnings. A day to discover everyone but you has grown three feet over the summer."

Rejuvenile Delinquents.

Man, Lemont … how long's it been? Twenty years? Just about. You still working at Pigville Pork Burgers? Nah … I got a job as the Candorville Chronicles White House correspondent. Then I went on to found Candorville.com, the internet's seventh largest source for news and opinion. Oh. That's cool. That's cool. How do you not know this? We're Facebook friends. I post links to my articles every day. We were roommates all through college, and you don't even read my updates? Facebook's for reading yo

"I like New York, but I miss sleeping drunk on my front lawn."

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

'I'm fighting ageing.'

Remote Control Duck

"I get it! I get it! Elephants never forget. Now quit bragging about it!"

"Just when I thought I had all the answers, I forgot what the questions were."

"I cranked up the dose a tad. Why should kids have all the fun?"

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

"You're right, they are statins."

"Well, Dr. Garcia said he's doing all he can, but he can't make me any younger. But I don't care about getting younger. I just want to keep getting older."

"I'd like to get my withdrawal in either cryptocurrency or social-media exposure."

Medication for the elderly

Maybe you should leave the evolving to the younger fish.

'I can't make you younger...odometer tampering is against the law.'

"We missed Fashion Week!"

Man looking at greeting cards labeled "Apologies for not writing sooner" with sub-headings for different lengths of time.