Ofsted Inspector Gifts

'You don't think you were a bit harsh on that school?'

Secretive Weigh In.

Your lobster was off!

'As I walk through the halls, I see teachers teaching and students learning and I say to myself, 'what wonderful school, what a wonderful world.''

OK! I promise that the questions will be easy!

HELLth Food Sprouts

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

'I had no idea would be a choice.'

Bottled water straight from the Potomac, Congo and Ganges. Bottled waters that never had much market share.

Toxic Waste Lorry/Toxic Additives Lorry

"Well, okay I'll eat it. But, only if you have a medical team on stand by."

'Ere-we distinctly asked for SAM an' Ella!'

"Dad, did you know Tia Carmen got a job at my school cafeteria?"

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

"I changed my mind - I don't want any shredded cheese on my salad."

'You forgot the product label.'

'This tuna is being recalled. It contains seahorse.'

"There is nothing dangerous about GM foods!" "Keep talking or we'll smash your head in"

"We can serve a rare handburger, but because of health regulations, this room will have to be heated to 160 degrees."

"I've been mutated into the strawberry field. Get me out now."

Our Troubled Chowders

"And here is the quality control department for our deviled eggs."

Horse meat scandal.

"Be right with you - just need to call for a tow truck and change today's 'Catch of the Day' to venison."

"I think the milk's off!"

'Use by June 2007. Gah' - 'Use by July 2007. Double gah.' - 'Best of a bad bunch...'

"The transformation is pretty bad, but the worst part is filling out the paperwork for the adverse events."

"Tonight's specials include beef wellington (long regarded as a major source of cholesterol and saturated fat), Cajun-style swordfish (suspected of containing PCBs and toxic metals), and chicken teriyaki (recent increase in the incidence of salmonella whi

'Are these mushrooms edible?'

"We might be in trouble – the environment people have cited us as a hazardous waste site."

'They're doing their tests now?

'I don't know what to make of genetically modified food'...

Chef swatting flies into a bowl in a sushi bar.

'Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.'